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Be Quiet and Date!
Dating isn’t easy for most people but for an introvert it’s even harder.
Are you one of those wall flowers who sits quietly on the side lines, watching enviously as the more extrovert and confident girls cruise ahead and effortlessly seem to devour guy after guy, date after date.
Do you find yourself having a hard time when it comes to meeting potential dates because you are literally too shy and introvert to get out there in the thick of it?
When it comes to the introvert-extrovert opposition, it seems widely believed and accepted that the shy, quiet types suffer on the dating front. Even the introverts themselves have been conditioned to believe this to be the case, assuming that the extroverts get all the amazing dates thanks to their ability to communicate really well.
I want to tell you that this is simply not true!
The more introverted characters among us actually possess numerous attributes that are particularly suited to the whole dating scene. They tend to be excellent listeners who also have heaps of stuff to contribute to a conversation. They are often introspective, sensitive and actually pretty cool people to hang out with.
And unlike their more gregarious counterparts, they prefer to surround themselves with a handful of deep, meaningful friendships rather than a couple of hundred acquaintances.
But, if you do fall into the category of the more reserved type, you will probably know what it’s like to want some company and not get it. You will most likely find it difficult to summon up the confidence to approach people and get the conversation established enough to ask them out on a date.
We want you to realise however that none of this need be beyond your reach and in fact is well within your capabilities. Introversion isn’t a flaw or a deficit that you should hide. Instead, learn to revel in it and use your insight and listening skills to your advantage.
Simply check out our advice below which will help guide you through the dating maze from beginning to end.
Seeking out a potential date
Ask your friends for recommendations. As obvious as it may seem, it’s actually fairly common place that people forget to ask their friends if they know anyone who might be a good match. This is a mistake however as your friends will have genuinely good intentions as well as knowing more about your interests than most and they may well come up trumps.
Give nights out a shot. As much as it’s probably not your style, you need to let yourself to get dragged out of your comfort blanket and get out there and meet some new people. Who knows, you might even enjoy yourself and end up chatting with someone who was worth getting all dressed up for!
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Get online. Going online takes some of the edge off the pressures of mixing with people in person. You can plan what you want to say before you respond to messages and it is a great way for you to meet people based on their interests, where they hang out and what they like to do.
Take a class or join a group. These are great ways to find new potential friends. You’re in a place with a group of different people whom you have common interests with, and chances are, there’s someone there you may take a liking to.
Fake confidence. Crossed arms, downcast eyes and fidgety fingers may be your default look, but try to draw yourself out of it every once in a while. Improve your image and body language by practicing smiling, straightening your back and looking a little more inviting and welcoming. It could transform you from being a wallflower to a charmer and before you know it your confidence will become real!
Practice chatting to new people. Now, this may seem an impossible challenge but even just a quick hello or good morning can help you build up confidence. If you can progress into a short conversation, even better.
During the date…
Don’t pretend to be an extrovert. You could easily end up coming across as fake and contrived and your date will almost certainly be put off. There is no shame in admitting to being shy. In fact it can be seen as an asset.
Try your best to smile and look towards your date. You don’t have to look him or her straight in the eye all the time, but facing their general direction when you’re talking would really help.
Listen. If you’re with someone who has never dated an introvert, they may be pleasantly surprised at how well you can pick up little nuances in your conversation and use it to generate more discussions.
Ask questions. By listening to your date you can then use what they say to ask questions about them. Try asking a hypothetical question, it allows you to learn more about your date.
Don’t be afraid to say what you’re feeling. If your date asks you to go someplace loud or crowded, tell him or her that it’s not really your thing. Explain that you won’t be comfortable, and try to suggest another place you’d prefer. If you go along and feel really awkward, your date might start to think that you simply don’t like them and they may feel dejected.
Don’t get drunk! Drink may be a great crutch for confidence and an ideal way to get the wheels of conversation flowing but be sure to take care of how much you’ve been drinking. Lowered inhibitions come with a risk, and when lowered too much, it may move you too forward to the point of being totally trashed. Never a good look!
Whether you end up meeting your soul mate or not, the very fact you have found yourself a date and got ‘out there’ deserves a little self-congratulation at the very least! And once you have done it once the process will get easier and easier!