The 30 Worst Celebrity-Written Books of All Time

Naomi Campbell - Swan

At the height of her modelling fame, Naomi Campbell decided she was going to write a bestselling novel. Only one problem: she said she didn't have the time to do it. Instead, she sent her thoughts on tape to a ghostwriter who then did the heavy lifting.

In Campbell's one and only literary effort, five young women compete to win the contract of retiring supermodel Swan. There's plenty of ire aimed towards journalists in and amongst this ludicrous novel and its slack writing and maybe that's all Campbell really wanted out of it.

Charlie Sheen - A Piece of My Mind

Hellraising Charlie Sheen isn't all about the party life. He also loves to write poetry. The Two and a Half Men actor self-published a volume of his own poems in 1999 and it was one the biggest, steaming pile of manure ever released by a celeb author.

On Amazon, a reviewer called John Stamos says, “Charlie is a personal friend of mine, and I have been reading his poetry for years. This collection is the best of the best as far as Chas's art is concerned… Sheen steals part of ourselves and gives us a chunk of humanity and sheenathan.” That's... kind of a compliment?

Lauren Conrad - LA Candy

There's an episode of Family Guy in which Brian starts dating Hills star Lauren Conrad only to find out she's a closet intellectual with a profound taste and knowledge of art and literature. Maybe that's what inspired her to put pen to paper in LA Candy.

The first in a series, LA Candy follows protagonist Jane Roberts as she moves to Los Angeles to become a part of and then distance herself from reality TV stardom. The jury's still out on what part of Conrad's life this story was mined from.

Maucalay Culkin - Junior

Since embracing irrelevance, Culkin has thrived as a bit of an outsider artist, playing in a pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band and writing stream-of-consciousness novels like Junior, which also showcases the actor's numerous cartoons and meditations.

Culkin slaps the following disclaimer in the book: "Almost everything people do is artistic. That doesn't make it art. I may be being too hard on myself but that is the reality of my world and I'm letting you know how aware of it I really am." How self-depreciating!

James Franco - Directing Herbert White

A lot of actors try their hand at something creative, fail miserably and then never do it again. James Franco, however, despite repeated failures, is still convinced he's an artist. Directing Herbert White, his attempt at poetry, is one of his worst.

In this book, Franco states facts and then separates them with a line break. Apparently, that's poetry. Here's an idea: let's stop giving book deals to people most famous for being inebriated in Seth Rogen movies and give them to actual poets instead.

Tyra Banks - Modelland

"Two girls got into a fight at the end of their makeshift catwalk, rolling to the ground. 'Kenya, use the Gyaku Zuki move!' her mother screamed. 'Reverse-punch the hairy hag! But watch your hair, sweetie." What you just read is an excerpt from Modelland, Tyra Banks' magnum opus.

Heroine Tookie De La Crème fights for survival on a show eerily similar to America’s Next Top Model in this dire, dire novel. If reading terrible prose by models is your thing, then by all means, go out and get yourself a copy of Modelland. Or just read Valley of the Dolls.

Mike Sorrentino - Here's The Situation

Here's the Situation is described on the cover of the book as "A Guide to creeping on chicks, avoiding grenades, and getting in your GTL on the Jersey Shore." A publishing house was pitched this, in the not-too-distant past, and said, "YES!"

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino has cleaned up his act today but at the height of MTV's Jersey Shore, he was an interesting young man, obsessed with GTL (gym, tan, laundry), dodging grenades (a euphemism for fat women), and sleeping anything with a pulse. If that sounds admirable to you, you can learn how to do the same by reading his debut effort!

Hilary Duff - Elixir

Hilary Duff's post-Lizzie McGuire career hasn't had a lot of highlights. While she launched a moderately successful musical career, her film and TV work left a lot to be desired. Enter: the celebrity YA novel. It finds them all eventually, doesn't it?

To the shock of everyone, Duff's fiction debut concerned a beautiful and gifted young woman; a photojournalist, with a senator father, who is caught in a love triangle... what's not to like? It turns out, everything. This is another useless attempt by a star to cash in on another industry after Hollywood left them behind.

Pamela Anderson - Star

We won't have a bad word said about Pamela Anderson... unless it has to do with her literary efforts. Star follows the story of a beautiful, buxom blonde who is spotted at a football game and turned into a dazzling celebrity overnight. Pamela's exact life story, then.

"Her breasts came on suddenly and tenaciously, as if trying to make up for lost time. The hard bump turned out to be one of a pair of unruly and self-willed nipples." Reads one quote from this epic. It's so bad it's almost good. In fact, we take it all back. Star is art, and you should buy it.

Lance Armstrong - It's Not About the Bike

It's Not About the Bike, released in 2000, is an autobiography by Lance Armstrong. The book details Lance Armstrong's early life, his beginnings in cycling, eventual diagnosis and treatment of testicular cancer before wrapping things up with his first Tour De France win in 1999.

Sounds like a riot, doesn't it! From rags to riches. A man staring death in the face, makes a comeback and reaches the ultimate goal. It's a shame twelve years later he admitted to doping, leaving both his reputation and any remaining book sales in tatters.

Nicole Richie - The Truth About Diamonds

For most of the noughties, Nicole Richie, alongside bestie Paris Hilton, starred in The Simple Life. The reality show, which pitted the pair against the pains of normal life, didn't paint her in too great a light. The remedy? Writing a book where you describe how hard being a celebrity is, obviously.

In The Truth About Diamonds, the adopted daughter of a famous musician grows up to become a star, only to be stabbed in the back by her best friend and fellow socialite. It's not often that you find a book where the author bio and plot are identical. Kinda cool!

OJ Simpson - If I Did It

Remember when OJ Simpson declared he'd devote his life to finding out who murdered Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman after he was found not guilty and then never did anything about it? Being a celebrity must be a lot of fun! You can say one thing and do the exact opposite and life goes on.

What the Juice did do is work with a ghostwriter to pen a theoretical account of how he would have murdered Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman... if he had done it. The bereaved families and media were rightly outraged at this shameless, insensitive, tone-deaf cash grab.

Snooki - A Shore Thing

For years, the fans of Jersey Shore - a show about six young people getting drunk and taking home strangers - were allegedly screaming out: "When! When is Snooki going to write a novel!" Their prayers were answered eventually in the form of A Shore Thing.

"Snooki would be better off putting her efforts somewhere else, like community service or something because this book is a disservice to the writing world," reads one customer review. We're sure Snooki lies awake at night wondering what people thought of her book.

Farrah Abraham - In The Making

After her Teen Mom fame faded away, Farrah Abraham decided - on a whim - that she wanted to get down and dirty camera. Quickly though, she realised she didn't actually want to do it on camera, she wanted to write about doing it on camera.

In The Making is about Fallon Opal's dreams of filming a celebrity sex tape and how she goes about making that a reality. It's unsure whether or not this piece of erotica is based on any personal experiences from Farrah's life, but it remains her only literary effort.

Kim Kardashian - Selfish

Kim Kardashian likes her body. She also likes selfies. Often, she likes to take selfies that include her body. So why anyone was outraged by her decision to publish a coffee book of mostly-clothed selfies is a mystery. Still, this book is a bit lacking in substance.

The subject isn't dumb; there is a lot to be said about the rise of the selfie, and its impact on mental health and society. What's dumb are Kim's footnotes, which include such gems as: "Bikini selfies are my fave!" and "I love that we have these memories." If she had gone into a bit of detail about her relationship to documentation, Selfish could have been great.

David Duchovny - Holy Cow

Holy cow! That's probably what David Duchovny's agent said when he told them he had plans to write and sell a novel. What business did he have, some guy from TV, sitting down and committing himself to the written word for a year?

To be fair to Duchovny, he had studied English at Princeton and Yale long before he was ever cast on The X-Files. If anything, Holy Cow was his true calling all along. It's just a shame it was terrible. The plot is a mesh of talking farm animals and politics. Sound familiar? Seems like someone had a bit of Orwell envy...

Kylie and Kendall Jenner - Rebels: City of Indra

Just from the name alone you know this book is going to be absolute tosh. And no, we're not talking about the authors' names. Rebels: City of Indra - it's so perfectly naff it kind of makes you want to read it or see it adapted into some awful blockbuster.

Prior to becoming models and businesswomen, Kylie and Kendall Jenner fancied themselves as writers, penning this sci-fi book with no help at all, except numerous ghostwriters. A tale of two cities and extremes, the City of Indra is half luxury, half squalor. Highlighting how some are born into privilege probably wasn't the wisest subject matter choice for the Jenners.

David Hasselhoff - Making Waves

You have to give it to David Hasselhoff, it's difficult to guess what wave the guy is going to be riding next. One day it's providing a soundtrack to the end of the Cold War, the next he's gobbling a cheeseburger while drunk out of his mind.

In 2006, he published his autobiography, Making Waves, in which he paints a vivid picture of his journey from Knight Rider to Baywatch to Broadway. That picture is sort of silly, however. Here you have a book with a clear nod to Baywatch in the title that opens with a reference to Martin Luther King.

Paris Hilton - Confessions of an Heiress

Everyone loves a good "Confessions" book, it's probably the greatest buzzword in the publishing industry. What a shame that hardly any book with confessions in the name actually reveals anything. This sadly holds true for Paris Hilton's book, Confessions of an Heiress.

True confessions would be humiliating and career-ending. "I grew up rich as a kid!" isn't one. That's simply a fact everybody knows about Paris Hilton. In fact, it's the only thing we know about Paris Hilton. That and she was on a reality show called The Simple Life.

Bristol Palin - Not Afraid of Life

Ten years ago, there was nothing more than American citizens craved than the wise words of Sarah Palin's oldest daughter, Bristol. Thankfully, in 2011, at the age of 21, she decided to tell her life story in Not Afraid of Life.

Nobody was expecting a lot from this book, especially not the choice few who even knew it existed, but the results were shocking. Shockingly enough, Bristol Palin is not relevant enough to be interesting, nor a prose stylist. It's very hard to sympathise with the 21-year-old's sob story.

Whoopi Goldberg - Book

Whoopi Goldberg is an EGOT-winning legend and, despite the odd hiccup on The View, she remains a fan favorite. Given that she can seemingly do no wrong, it makes sense that she would release a book! Even calling that book "Book" was not enough to make readers suspicious.

Unfortunately, her 1999 effort Book, is a bad one. Even a whole chapter devoted to farting can not save Goldberg's bacon here. Goldberg has released numerous books since, but has mostly pivoted to children's stories, which probably says something about her level of faith in her abilities...

Abigail Breslin - This May Sound Crazy

This may sound crazy? Unfortunately, it doesn't really Breslin. Is there really anything that warrants a memoir from a non-controversial child star? Oh, you made some good films and had a great, wholesome time? Sounds like a real page-turner.

Seemingly aware of this problem, Breslin does dedicate a significant amount of pages to putting her ex from 5 Seconds of Summer on blast. But that's not enough to excuse the amount of hashtags included among prose here. This teen Tumblr rant needs to go back on the shelf.

Barbara Walters - Audition

Barbara Walters is one the biggest names on televison. For most generations, they can't remember a time when Barbs wasn't on their screen. Famous for making celebrities talk about their trauma until they cry, Walters also has a passion for the written word, as terribly demonstrated in her book, Audition.

Audition is a straight-up bore fest. Walters doesn't so much tell her life story as just list everything that happened to her and who she met. It's a paint-by-numbers autobiography that should compensate everyone who went out and bought it.

Justin Bieber - First Step 2 Forever

Okay fair enough, chances are the only thing Justin Bieber had to do with this book was signing his name on a dotted line and posing with it for photographs, but still, it's something he made money off. A lot of money. And it's a complete sham of a product.

Oh, what's that? You started writing music, then you began performing it? And then - hold on - you were scouted by a record label? And that record label produced an album for you? Are we hearing this right? Has any other musician experienced this trajectory? Huge, if so.

Sly Stallone - Paradise Alley

Not many people know this, at least Sly Stallone hopes they don't, but after Rocky, the writer-actor-director triple threat decided to shoot a wrestling film called Paradise Alley. It was terrible. Really bad, and it looked even worse coming after the monster success of Rocky in 1976.

Naturally, Stallone thought it was only right that he release a novelization of Paradise Alley. One Amazon reviewer said it best: “This is a great movie I saw this years ago and loved it good story and if you love wrestling you love this because this is the greatest wrestling movie and love story and just fun to watch.” Whoops - even that reviewer didn't read the book, they thought they were talking about the film!

Chuck Norris and Friends - The Justice Riders

"And Friends", is it Mr Norris? Can't write a book by yourself? Have to get your buddies involved to save face and have someone to blame when this hot mess gets panned by critics? This was a career low for Chuck Norris. As well as Ken Abraham, Aaron Norris & Tim Grayem, who all helped him out with the project.

One reviewer, arguably Ken Abraham, said: “Well it appears that Chuck Norris is a man of many hidden talents. Not only is he able to roundhouse kick a terrorist into a pile of boxes, and break the world landspeed record in a yacht, but he’s also not bad with a typewriter.” Unfortunately, not bad doesn't translate to good.

Pete Wentz - Gray

Pete Wentz' novel Gray concerns a musician (you know where this is going) named Pete (yep) who has a tough time dealing with fame and success. It's a bit of a meditation on the dark side of the music industry, which Wentz groundbreakingly characterises as quite cutthroat and amoral!

"I wouldn't normally say this but if this was the last book on earth, I would give up reading," a Goodreads user wrote. "I've given up on less than six books in my whole life and I quit this one less than twenty pages in." Yikes!

Britney Spears - A Mother's Gift

When Britney Spears was not a girl but not yet a woman, she and her mom Lynne Spears decided to write a novel, called A Mother's Gift. Quick question. What do you think this is about? If you guessed somebody somebody eerily similar to Britney in looks, personality and goals, you'd be right!

That's right, folks. A Mother's Gift follows the story of a young aspiring singer named Holly Lovell who lives in a humble house with her mom. Holly lands a place at a music school. Unfortunately, the kids don't take too kindly to this country bumpkin. Good thing she has super stardom right around the corner!

Charlotte Church - Voice of an Angel

Charlotte Church is a great laugh. Outspoken, funny, and talented to boot! But why oh why was she releasing a memoir at the age of fifteen back in 2001? Yeah yeah yeah, it was her management and she was likely pressured and not really involved in the decision, but come on!

There is nothing you can say about your life at fifteen that will be compelling to an adult audience. You don't even have the faintest concept of what adulthood is, the troubles it will bring, and the dilemmas it will pose. Church has gone through a lot more in the past few decades, and those would make for far more essential reading.

Brooklyn Beckham - What I See

What do you do when you're David Beckham's son but you haven't inherited his footballing skills? You release a book of photography. Brooklyn's first and hopefully last foray into taking pictures was titled What I See. As it turns out, he doesn't see very much.

If you ever feel down, just look at the user reviews of What I See. “Buy this book if you need something to stand on to reach higher levels of photography books," one writes. "An almost must-have for any aspiring pyromaniac. Get it on its first and only print run.” Whew!

Morrissey - List of the Lost

It took up until 2017 for Smiths legend and wordsmith Morrissey to try his hand at a novel, and how worth the wait it was. Only kidding! List of the Lost, about a 1970s Boston relay team who accidentally kill a homeless man, is laughably bad.

It turns out that writing a novel, even if it's barely 100 pages, is a much bigger task than writing a song. NME's Jordan Bassett called List of the Lost "a confused, often quite embarrassing slab of cringeworthy sex clichés and bizarre, stilted dialogue." Don't mince your words, Bassett!

Sean Penn - Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff

To be fair to Sean Penn, he didn't go down the semi-autobiographical, redundant fantasy angle when writing his first novel like most actors. All the same, Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff, no matter how much Salman Rushdie was paid to praise it, is a mess of a book.

Told from the POV of Pappy Pariah, the book tells the story of Bob Honey, an international assassin who kills elderly people with a mallet. Critics slated Penn for his undisciplined style, the lazy satire, and the grating persistence of alliteration.

Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian - Dollhouse

The Kardashians have published several books but one of the very first was sisters Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe's effort Dollhouse. Don't remember it? Don't worry, no one does. Dollhouse and all its glorious failures have basically been wiped from literary history.

Released in 2011, Dollhouse follows a trio of sisters, named Kamille, Kassidy, and Kyle, who find themselves thrown into the spotlight after Kamille is scouted by a modelling agency. In and amongst the fashionista fun, Kyle falls for her stepbrother. Happy families!

Marlon Brando - Fan Tan

Published posthumously in 2005, a year after he died, Fan Tan is a pirate novel written by Marlon Brando. It started out life as a movie idea the actor had pitched to director Donald Cammell in 1979. Plans fell through and the 165-page film treatment turned into a novel.

Fan Tan follows Anatole Doultry, a sea captain serving a prison sentence in 1920s Hong Kong. After saving a fellow prisoner's life, he learns that the prisoner's boss wants him to join her on a mission to rob a British boat. Sounds captivating, doesn't it? Unfortunately, it really isn't.

Bella Thorne - Autumn Falls

Bella Thorne has written four books, including a YA series and a poetry collection she claims she completed in two weeks flat. Autumn Falls follows a teen who discovers that the wishes that she writes in her dead father's journal begin coming true.

It's a pretty interesting concept for a celeb book but sadly, the writing lets Thorne down. Or rather, the lack of experience in writing. The pacing is all off, the characters are cliche, and by 50 pages in you're ready to just nip this one in the bud and pick up something else.

Sharon Osbounre - Revenge

It makes sense that acid-tongued Sharon Osbourne would have a book called Revenge. But this is no tell-all memoir where the famous redhead puts a variety of celebs on blast. Revenge is a novel, and by the standards of this list, not the worst.

Revenge tells the story of the feisty dynamic between two sisters who fight over men. The vibe is very much Jackie Collins, only without the talent. The sisters spend most of their time sleeping around, which is fun to hear about the first time. It's not as interesting the 64th time around though.

Shay Mitchell - Bliss

Shay Mitchell got the idea for her debut novel Bliss while chilling with her bestie Michaela Blaney. The two were reminiscing about their lives and everything they'd gotten up to. "We were just talking about all the experiences we had from our past and what led us to be where we are right now," Mitchell said.

They started writing down all their ideas on a whiteboard in Mitchell's garage. Before long, they approached a publisher and asked if they could write the book. The publisher said "Yeah!" So Bliss was born. It must be so much fun to be famous!

Tom Fletcher - Eve of Man

Everyone's favorite British pop guitarist and YouTuber Tom Fletcher decided that being a twee, ukulele-wielding hipster wasn't enough around ten years ago. He was going to get into writing books! The industry, you see, was suffering from an absence of celebrity authors at the time.

The result of Eve of Man, some YA nonsense the pages of which you would probably be better off using to start campfires. There's a whole series of these books, apparently. One reviewer said it best: "Clichéd plot? Check! One-dimensional characters? Check! Clumsy and basic writing? Double check!"

Geri Halliwell - Rosie Frost and the Falcon Queen

Jeez. First the Spice Girls weren't enough. Then a solo career wasn't enough. Pick a lane, Halliwell. No. Not books! Pick any lane other than that. The publishing world will survive without your contributions if Rosie Frost and the Falcon Queen is anything to go by.

The novel follows a suddenly orphaned and alone Rosie Frost, who is sent to the mysterious Bloodstone Island, home to a school for extraordinary teens. Rosie has to put up with a cruel deputy head and mean girls in this bizarre Harry Potter rip-off.

Quentin Tarantino - Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is arguably Quentin Tarantino's greatest film to date. The whimsical novelization of it, released almost in tandem with the film, is arguably his worst book to date. (His only other, Cinema Speculation, is a fine little read).

Why is it his worst? Check out this passage: "If New York is the city that never sleeps, Los Angeles in the middle of the night and early wee hours of the morning turns back into the desert it was before it got paved over with concrete." Ouch.